


Dorks & Dragons

by Zodiac



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Because I have too many WIP sex fics between them as-is, Carlos is a huge nerd who mixes D&D with bedroom activities, Drabbles, M/M, They almost frick-frack but it cuts off before they actually do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1581011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zodiac/pseuds/Zodiac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos had told him that, outside Night Vale, they performed sex quite differently than the residents of Night Vale. (No tentacles, no chanting in long-dead languages, and absolutely no transcribing summoning symbols on your partner's body post-orgasm, among other things.)<br/>But, Cecil certainly didn't expect sex to be <i>this</i> different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dorks & Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [Kinkvale blog](http://kinkvale.tumblr.com/) based on a prompt they got about Carlos using a d20 in bed for literal sexual roleplay.

Carlos had told him that, outside Night Vale, they performed sex quite differently than the residents of Night Vale. (No tentacles, no chanting in long-dead languages, and absolutely no transcribing summoning symbols on your partner's body post-orgasm, among other things.)

But, Cecil certainly didn't expect sex to be  _this_  different.

"Would you consider yourself to be a doppelganger or an aberration?"

"Um, well, my birth certificate says that I'm a shapeshifter, sooo doppelganger?" He answered to the most recent of odd questions Carlos had asked him since they began. He himself was seated on their shared bed while his boyfriend's attention was currently split between a book he had dug out of his belongings and a blank piece of paper rapidly being filled in with pen ink of all things. Bullet points, unrecognizable names, brief annotations, Carlos' hand recorded them all, but it was mostly columns and rows of numbers, each headed with a few seemingly-random letters. With every answer he gave Carlos, he flipped through that book of his to a specific spot before recording data that only he could understand, adding more to the stream of knowledge already on the paper before him.

Honestly, even if it was fascinating, it just seemed like too much work for him.

"Aaand just. About. Done!" Carlos exclaimed, letting his pen fall from his hand to instead pick up some type of odd crystal with even more numbers printed on its multitude of facets. "Now that the prep work is finally out of the way, we can finally get to the good part."

“Um… and what is the good part exactly?”

“It’s good, that’s what it is!” His boyfriend continued on, flipping through that book of his again with a purpose until a folded sheet of paper slipped out from between the pages. Snatching it from where it had settled, he hurriedly unfolded it before clearing his throat, seeming to have realized how overexcited he had been getting. His next comment was a bit more sheepish, a light blush on his cheeks showing his embarrassment as well. “Well, scientifically-speaking, anyway. I am a scientist, so I can freely say those types of things, you know.”

“Oh, I know. Being _very_ into science gives me access to that type of knowledge. Anyway,” He gently squeezed that odd crystal between two of his fingers, holding it up to get a better look at it. “what’s this thing? A medium to channel our thoughts into until our minds merge? A catalyst for a spell of pleasure? Science?”

“No, no, nothing of that sort.” Though, he’d have to look into those so-called pleasure spells sometime soon. Purely for research purposes, of course. “But you’re going to want to hang onto that, you’re going to need it in a minute.” Clearing his throat again, he now focused fully on the sheet of paper that had fallen out of his book. “Now then, we can begin.” He then began to read directly from the paper, a slow stream of words tumbling from his lips to ensure he didn’t stumble over them. “You, Cecil Palmer, are a bard that has come to Night Vale to entertain the townsfolk for food and shelter and to seek the prospect of finding another adventurer to join. While performing at the local inn, you notice a man in a labcoat watching you curiously from one of the tables. He is still there after your performance for the day ends. What do you do?”

“Does he happen to have a strong, handsome jaw, bright teeth, and is just all around perfect?”

“Cecil, I, um, don’t think that matters here.”

“Of course it does. Now, is he my wonderful knight in shining labcoat or not?”

“Ah… _Sure_. He has black hair smattered with grey, dark skin, and has a perceptible aura of perfection hanging about him that only you seem to be able to sense. Happy?”

Cecil smiled, scooting closer to Carlos to trail a finger up the outside of his thigh. “ _Very_. Now then, how about I sashay on over to this lone little scientist and have a nice little chat with him?”

“W-well, that’s definitely doable.” He said, blush settling back over his cheeks, attempting to subtly squirm away from that finger making its way up his leg. “Now then, you’re gonna have to roll that twenty-sided die and we’ll see how it goes from there.”

Cecil obeyed him, idly tossing the die away without even looking at it. He was more concerned with how Carlos had begun to squirm with even the barest of touches from him. Seeing just how far gone his mere touches could make him go sounded like quite the fun game, certainly more enjoyable for Carlos than all this number-crunching had to be anyway.

Meanwhile, Carlos was doing just that, mentally processing Cecil’s results. “Let’s see… A natural fifteen, plus two from your charisma score makes for a total of seventeen, more than enough for you to charm the stranger into a conversation. What would you like to talk about with him?”

“Oh, I don’t know… Aspirations,” The touch crept a tad higher, “life history,” Even higher, stroking against his inner hip, “what he’s wearing under that labcoat of his…” The touch closed over Carlos’ groin, pressing at him insistently, “You know, the usual stuff.”

Carlos bit his lip, holding back any and all noises that threatened to spill out from the sudden stimulation. He had his job to do as the narrator of this story and, just as Cecil did any time he was narrating the town’s happenings, he was going to complete it professionally and interruption-free. Just needed to put aside a few moments for deep, calming breaths first. “W-well, I _suppose_ that would be possible. Let me just see what his response would be and—“

The scientist cut himself off as the hand he was reaching back towards his statistics was grabbed, slender fingers squeezing lightly around his wrist.

“Regardless of his response, I know _exactly_ what I’m going to do to him next.” Cecil’s voice had dipped in pitch, oozing out with that same thick viscosity of the one he used on the radio.

“U-um… And what would that be?”

With the flash of a grin, Cecil practically pounced on him, knocking him back onto the mattress. “This.” He stated simply, as though it was only logical that he would jump a random, albeit handsome, stranger.

Carlos, meanwhile, let out a startled squeak, hands flailing out towards his nearest resources. “W-wait! We have to roll for constitution, dexterity, perform a skill check! We can’t just—“

A sudden kiss from Cecil mercifully brought Carlos’ tirade to an end before it really had a chance to begin in the first place. Pulling away from his partner only slightly, Cecil smiled down at him, patting his cheek. “Don’t you worry, I can show you firsthand just how skillful I am in this department. You just have to sit back, relax, and let this bard teach you how to _sing_.”

Carlos only nodded, dumbfounded. In all his years of battling fictional monsters and heroes alike, there had never been a violation of rules this severe, this odd, before. Though, he supposed he could allow this particular breach under his watch. Just this once.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this and wanted to screech at me in a manner similar to socializing, then you can find my Tumblr right [here](http://catsandcomposers.tumblr.com/).


End file.
